because everyone is boring..and because you’re different

it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness…

“i feel empty. do you know what it means to be completely empty? being empty is like an unlived-in house. an unlocked unlived-in house. anybody can come in, any time they want. that’s what scares me the most.”

seperti itulah yang saya takutkan saat ini. seperti kalimat yang ditulis haruki murakami di atas, saat sedang kosong inilah saat paling rawan. karena siapapun bisa saja masuk ke dalam hati saya dan kemudian memporak-porandakan apa yang tersisa. itulah mengapa di saat-saat seperti ini saya membuat mekanisme pertahanan diri dengan menjauh dari orang-orang, walaupun saya tahu tindakan saya bisa berakibat fatal lagi, seperti yang kemudian ditulis neil gaiman:

“it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. you build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life… and then your life isn’t your own anymore.”

it’s happening again. and i’m still the victim…

Now Playing: Roxette – Have a Nice Day – Wish I Could Fly


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